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Wednesday, May 18, 2011


   [krahy-sis] noun, plural -ses  [-seez],adjective

  1. a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
  2. a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
  3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

I sometimes wonder if I really experience more times of crisis in my life than most people, or is it just how it affects me? Then I look back at the events in my life and realize that I really do have way too many crises to deal with. There have been times in my life that I have fleeting thoughts of walking out of my front door and just keep walking, or perhaps just crawl under my bed to stay.

I love my family. Truly I do. But even for a large family it is just too hard. My children are wonderful people. They have good natures and all of them, though very different, have great strengths. But sometimes people do not make good choices. Sometimes things happen that cannot be helped.

I cannot count the number of visits we have made to the ER for serious injuries or illnesses. Depression, bipolar and anxiety runs in my husband's family and my husband and children are not immune to this ailment. Epilepsy runs in my family and 2 of my sons and I suffer from this. One son's epilepsy is very dangerous for him and each seizure is a medical emergency. I also have narcolepsy as does one of my daughters. My other daughter has had 3 surgeries and a severe dog attack that required ongoing care. Another son has had more injuries than his fair share because he is fearless and extremely active. The 2 youngest are teenagers now and this has not been a completely enjoyable experience.

I have had to pick up 1 child from jail 2 times before, and another once. Now a 3rd has decided to join this little group and I am doing this again today.

I have been ill for over 3 years now. Some severe virus hit me and caused an autoimmune disorder. I feel much better now, but if I over exert myself (like going downstairs to do laundry) I can get sick all over again. My Dr. told me to eliminate stress from my life......... um, I have no response for this statement.

Thank God I have my knitting and spinning. In these crafts I can escape and relax. This is my therapy.

Tonight, after I pick up my 16 year old from the Juvenile Detention Center, I am going to come home, take a hot bath and sit in my sanctuary (wool room) and knit non-stop.

I need a happy thought, I have lost my ability to fly.

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